the true story of my relationship…
It’s been a journey… to say the least. BUT WE MADE IT. I’d like to start off this blog post by saying that you CAN break up AND get back together and make it out stronger than ever. I’m proof that it can work. But there’s more to it… here’s my relationship story…
Keith and I met at work. He was a “veteran” and I was a “rookie,” so we honestly didn’t cross paths much. Funny enough my first ”shadow” was with him. He showed me what he did on a day-to-day basis, but at the time we both had significant others.
I remember seeing him in a company-wide meeting where he stood up in front of EVERYONE and spoke like it was no big thing. He held himself with such confidence. I loved it. I whispered to my friend, “he has BDE [big dick energy]” and she couldn’t help but laugh.
Let me pause so we can talk about BDE and why I value it so much. Big dick energy is what any man can have but it’s more for the guys that don’t need to always be “flashy”. The guys that are more laid back. The guys that are NOT taking selfies and putting them on Instagram. It’s a sense of confidence that makes you seem 10ft tall. The trick is to not actually be a dick lol.
I eventually ended up leaving that company and doing my own thing. A couple of months later, I got a DM… guess who it was from. TO THIS DAY, Keith swears he was just commenting on my story, which he had no idea would go to my inbox. He’s a bit older so we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt 😂. Nonetheless, he slid into my DMs.
We were both newly single at that point so we started to talk. Once I saw that he liked my sarcastic humor and could dish it back, I was intrigued. He quickly asked to hang out and we did a lot of group activities first (I was still friends with people from the company). Things progressed naturally but quickly.
I thought it was too good to be true. I was SO happy and having SO much fun. This is when I realized I had something good going for me and I didn’t want to self-sabotage. He was fresh out of a serious relationship that went back and forth for a while, so I was wary of not just being a rebound.
Then he asked me to come with him on a trip to see his family friends in Louisville. At that point, we were hanging out all the time and he made it very clear that he wanted to date me.
Ladies. I cannot stress it enough. If a guy wants to see you. He will make you a priority.
But it’s not just his responsibility! I felt the effort from him so I put it in too and let him know he was wanted!! Men don’t have to come out of the gates screaming I love you (major red flag lol) but they can know what they want and go after it. Keith knew what he wanted.
Keith and I gave each other what we didn’t have in our last relationships. He would always say, “you’re so nice to me. you care so much. I could get used to this.” and I’d always say to him, “you’re so patient and level-headed, you calm me down”. I felt so safe with him. I still do.
Then quarantine happened. We had been dating for about a year. We both lost our jobs and were living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 3 people. It was a mess. We were scared, anxious, sad, trying to have fun while staying inside.
We broke up because it all became too much. A worldwide pandemic is a once-in-a-lifetime experience (🤞🏼) and spending 3 months straight with the same person will test anyone. The funny thing is we didn’t even argue a lot (we bicker by nature 🤪), but one day we both had a breaking point where I ended up leaving because he was having an anxious moment. I was nagging nonstop because I was trying to control whatever I could when I felt like I had no control over anything. He hates nagging. Who doesn’t? Anyways — I left, which is a BIG no-no for him (a longer story for a different time). I expected him to chase after me. He did but it wasn’t what you’d think. We were both exhausted and stubborn. We stuck to our sides and that was it. I thought he’d realize he was being stupid but at that point, he was so hurt about me leaving, his pride got in the way.
That was in July. Insert downward spiral. I was HEARTBROKEN. I was so confused how something I was SO certain of, could be gone in a moment.
It was the biggest growing experience I’ve ever had. I realized that I couldn’t rely on someone else for my happiness. That I would be okay and more importantly, I would thrive on my own.
We didn’t stop communicating with each other right away but after a while, I got mad and stopped all communication. I had to find a new place to live. I literally had to pick up my life and start over. That made me angry. Rightfully so.
So I did. I was unhappy with my job, so I found a better one. That’s something I would have never done because I was more complacent than I realized. This breakup changed my life for the better. I had all summer to look inward and figure out what the hell I wanted from a partner. Most importantly, I realized what I didn’t want. It was so hard because Keith was such a good boyfriend so it was me constantly saying, “I want someone just like him but better”.
The best thing for our relationship was this breakup. We lived our lives and soon enough I started getting messages from Keith here and there. At first, I was angry. After 3 months, I was still miserable. I found myself talking to him, telling him about my day every night, even though he wasn’t there. I didn’t know this at the time but Keith moved into a 1 bedroom by himself and his window faced my new apartment. He said he would look at it and wonder what I was doing. He would take the long way to work to go past my building, hoping I would come out so he could see me.
At the end of September we talked on the phone. I knew he wasn’t doing okay, I could just feel it, and I THOUGHT I was strong enough to have a conversation with him. We had a 4-hour long conversation where we both cried. I told him I needed someone to choose me. He was nervous and felt a lot of pressure. We left it at that for a couple of weeks. I told him I had to move on.
Then I found old pictures of us. I deleted EVERYTHING out of spite when we broke up. But I found these old snapchat videos of us being goofy and happy. I couldn’t help but send them to him (it was the first time I reached out). He got the videos and told me at that moment he realized he still had a chance.
He gained the trust of my family before coming to me. He received their support first and then reached out to me. I told him I needed at least a week before seeing him or else I’d get clouded by emotions. We spent a week talking every night on the phone. Going through what we both wanted out of a relationship moving forward. We were raw and honest. I decided to trust him because he never gave me a reason not to. Our relationship was truly amazing. It was just weird how it ended so abruptly. Everyone said we’d get back together and that they were shocked it ended because we were so happy.
So we got back together.
At first, I was one foot in and one foot out, not wanting to get hurt. Keith quickly told me that wouldn’t work. We needed to be fully committed. I agreed. Ever since then we’ve been better than ever. We are the happiest we’ve ever been. I tell people that he woke up. I didn’t change much about myself and neither did he. We both just let our walls down and accepted each other completely. Moving in, getting a dog, marriage… we planned for our future.
We are the same people we were before the breakup, just redefined. We both realized what it was like to lose something that was great and that we would never each other granted again. He is my best friend. I could never get over him because even when I was so mad at him, it wasn’t because of who he was as a person.
Fast forward and it’s been six months of being back together and we share a beautiful apartment together, have the best dog (shoutout @stringerforeal), and are smiling every day. I thought I felt loved by him before but this is somehow different all while being somewhat the same.
I feel SO confident and at ease. A big part of that is knowing I’m an individual in a relationship.
He’s not my life. I’m still me.